Joyness Conversations We're Having
Guest: Shari Tate
How would you describe yourself? Writer, artist, small business owner (Rose & Honey Apothecary)
Hobbies: Reading, gardening, cooking
What’s a small daily ritual that reliably brings you back to joy?
Time in my garden with something to drink. Best recipe for any ailment.
Where in Charlotte do you go when you need to recharge?
I love a local coffee shop. As a writer and reader these are ideal places for me to be. The coffee shop noises become almost ambient and meditative. Otherwise it’s all about my outdoor spaces: greenways, parks, the terrace of a cafe, and my absolute favorite, my garden at home.
What’s a spiritual or grounding reminder you’d offer to someone trying to balance capacity with joy?
Do less. In writing there’s the draft and the edit. In the draft you get to be as free and whimsical as you like. Think big! Go crazy! Word count be damned. But when it comes to the editing you must be ruthless. One must be detached and willing to whittle down your extravagant work so that it’s readable and, if at all possible, enjoyable. This same principle applies to finding balancing capacity with joy because your joy is result of your being honest about your capacity.
Knowing our capacity means having the courage to ask for help, delegate, tasks, or simply let some things go. When we fight to operate outside of our capacity is when we become tired, stressed, irritable, and resentful. So be ruthless and edit down your life. Choose one thing you must do, want to do, and can do each day. Anything else is a glowing bonus you can relish in. Do less and that’s where your joy will be.
How do you personally protect your energy when things feel chaotic?
I have what I’ll call a sensory removal ritual. The first step is to cut out any outside noise or interference, anything that isn’t curated by me. Typically this looks like turning off my phone and television, and either staying at home or finding a calm place in Nature like a walk, my porch, or a quiet park.
Then it’s time to calm any internal chaos. I may journal, workout, write, cook, garden, meditate and pray, take a nap, or just have a cup of tea.
Center myself so that I can protect myself. If I’m still in a state of mental or emotional chaos, particularly if it’s been summoned because of things happening in the world that are outside of my control, then I’m not truly protecting myself I’m just reacting.
So once I find my calm then I remember it’s my responsibility to protect that.
What’s one “energy leak” you’ve learned to patch in your own life?
I was hemorrhaging my creative energy for years. The main sources that were syphoning my creative flow was politics/world affairs, and imbalanced relationships.
Current affairs was an easy fix- I stopped listening to NPR on my morning drive and began leaving my phone on silent in a room far far away from me (sometimes misplacing it altogether).
Finding a healthier balance in my relationships was tricky. I had to learn that some relationships can be deeply loving, nurturing, and uplifting and still need to be put in their proper perspective. And that relationships aren’t only about connections with other human beings, but also with lifestyle elements (i.e. diet, exercise, sleep), inter personal dynamics (i.e. emotional regulation, beliefs, personal narratives), and social dynamics (i.e. relationship with finances, society expectations). The more I find harmony with each of these individual relationships the more I am able to protect, access, and harness my creative energy.
What are some other things that bring you energy and clarity?
These days I don’t think I get dressed before I pray about it first. Not that I’m deeply religious, but that I value the spiritual aspects to ordinary life moments. This understanding helps bring me clarity when there is uncertainty. Even if I don’t understand what is happening fully I typically have a fair level of clarity about how I am showing up, what I can contribute, external factors at play and how to honor myself.
Motherhood is nothing but clarity. This particular role I get to fulfill for my son has taught me more than I could have ever imagined. He shows me how I shine and where I fall short. He clarifies what my priorities are and what they should be. Because in order to be the best mother I can to him I have to be the best version of me for myself. So in a way I’m parenting us both at the same time. It’s a lot, but everytime I take these little and big life lessons to heart and make them a part of my life practice, my energy for the things I enjoy and that really matter to us, both increases.
What’s one question you ask yourself when deciding if something deserves your energy?
Does this feel good?
Or
Will this be of service to future me?
If you could leave readers with one thought about tending to their energy, what would it be?
“This is my body and this is my business” is one of the closing mantras for one of my fellow and favorite yogis in Charlotte, Maude Moreno (she’s lovely by the way! If you get a chance to practice with her you’re in for a treat.)
My version of this is mind your business. Taking care of you is your ultimate priority and, if your heart is in the right place, you needn’t worry about any guilt or risk of selfishness. In fact, as I have learned, through much practice, taking care of ourselves is one of the most selfless things we can do. Because then we tend to do the second part of minding our business far better: taking care of one another.
Mind your business, be kind to yourself so you can be kind to others, and that, beloved, is more than enough.
Shari Tate is a writer, artist, co-founder and owner of Rose & Honey Apothecary. Most days are spent with her son, reading a book or writing one, and finding God and love in her garden every sunrise. Her inbox, like her home tea bar, is always open to new friends. @shari_monet and @rose.honey.apothecary on Instagram and on Substack (substack.com/sharimonet). You can see a portion of her latest work in Uptown Charlotte at The Knights Theatre as part of the Of Earth and Sky installations.
